It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
