I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
