Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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