the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
