JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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