id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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