and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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