I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
