Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
