i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
