I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
