Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is the high leading the old right now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
