Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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