Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
