using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
