You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
