I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
