The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
