I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
