I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
