Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
