party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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