Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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