Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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