The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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