I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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