So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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