I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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