This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I believe in your delicious
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
