can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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