I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
