This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
