Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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