Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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