i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
