My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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