like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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