i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
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They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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