a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize