I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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