I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
