How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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