On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
