This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
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Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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