smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
