so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?