You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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