on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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