you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
