ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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