I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
