she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I stole a fireplace last night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
