I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
