Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you never un-have a 4some
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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