Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
