she woke up with a sticky ear
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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