I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
