im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
