It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
