Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we made out on top of his cat.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
