i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
