Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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