Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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