he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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