Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
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Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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