I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
