my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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