Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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