He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
