Someone shit on the floor
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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